I just need to acknowledge something because I really can’t imagine I’m alone.

I am overwhelmed and forgetting so many things. I half kidding/half seriously reached out to a friend that is educated and trained in working with patients in memory care and I told her what I’m experiencing. She says it’s stress, but I still think there might be something more. When I say “I’m forgetting things,” it’s even bigger than that. Let me share with you a few of the things that have been happening:

  1. I ordered Sal’s birthday cake. 5 months later than I should have.
  2. I bought 6 tickets to a concert. The concert was in New Orleans. I live in Austin. I cannot get a refund.
  3. I signed a contract. I misunderstood the amount. I was invoiced for $5000 more than I understood because I didn’t recall conversations correctly, read through emails well, or really grasp the contract.
  4. I registered Parker for a class. I messed it up. I had to pay an additional $100.
  5. I registered Parker for another thing, didn’t consider the one other thing I registered him for, and had to reschedule.
  6. I tried to book a family vacation. I had the wrong link. By the time I figured it out, everything was booked.

I am double booking, dropping balls, and I told Sal, “I don’t think I know how to function any more.”

Yes, I’m sure it’s stress. But as I’ve shared with co-workers and friends this dynamic in my current season, they are right there with me. Lots of them. And I just want to acknowledge that I think several of us are struggling with re-entering the world since COVID. I don’t have more stuff than before COVID, but I am stepping back into more stuff than I have had through the pandemic.

It’s comical to me that, after always “going to work,” I’m now like, “do we have to drive to a meeting!?” I crack up that I’m surprised I actually need to get up and get going, be dressed, and be somewhere. And, my family is also getting back to sports, church activities, going out. It’s been a slow process and it’s not an easy transition.

I feel whiny. I feel like a wimp. And I feel myself wanting to stop all the things again. I have to remind myself that most of us went to work, at a place, with a schedule. We had to juggle the house and the kids and appointments. But when I talk to people I think we have forgotten. Now we are like “I can’t go back to an office because of xyz…” but “xyz” was totally there before and we made it work. I know part of this is finding balance, but I also think part of this is being honest with ourselves. Going back to “normal” is tough. Getting back into the habit of church, volunteering, juggling schedules, managing things, for some of us will take some time.

I have always loved Jesus’ words from Matthew:

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

I have shared how I love the idea of Jesus, ready to work alongside us, a work at rest. A yoke is a tool for work. This passage isn’t about a day off, or about having a “Mary moment at the feet of Jesus,” thing. There is work to be done. There are things we need to manage, but with this acknowledgement that at times we might feel weary and burdened, and that’s okay. That’s the time to pause, refocus, and practice being present. It’s a time to check in with your work partner, the One that knows things are happening, and knows that things feel crazy, but He’s right there with you. Take a deep breath. Get some clarity. Slow down. We’ve done this before. Be patient with yourself and thank you for letting me write to you, when I’m really writing to myself.

I don’t know how to work anymore.

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